I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She bit a glass in half.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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