i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
