He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I could make wine with my vomit
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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