Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
