And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
MIDGETS
????
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
