I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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