After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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