i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
