are you so shy because you have an std?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
