When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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