i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
