The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
