She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
