You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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