He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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