I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
