Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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