Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
