I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He passed out mid-signature
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
