Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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