she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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