My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
