I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
