Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
