She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
