Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
