what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
