I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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