ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
