I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
