I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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