so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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