Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
