you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
