I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize