so let's talk penis.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
