Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
