Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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