hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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