don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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