bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
