you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
