Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
