So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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