I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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