you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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