I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
