Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
