He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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