so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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