So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
