By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
