It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You're like the curious george of whores
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
