For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
