Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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