Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
