i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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