Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
