Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
