I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
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he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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