No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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