The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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