I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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