at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
