this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
