Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
