So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Randomize
