ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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