The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
