How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
