Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
