We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
