Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize