eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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