I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize