Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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