I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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