I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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