smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
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he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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