You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
