I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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