it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
