I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
