I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
