We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
