Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
