Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
